Finding The Values Driving Your Life

Hump Day Conversation #7: Discover how to find the values that drive your life!

Introduction to Finding Your Values00:04-02:29
Why Are Values Important?02:30-07:39
Developing A Sense of Self07:40-09:01
Discovering Your Values09:02-11:14
The Exercise11:15-14:04
Dr Ben’s 5 Values14:05-18:27
Dr Clayton’s #1 Value18:28-19:13
Conclusion19:14-21:24

Transcript:

Dr. Clayton Roach:

Tonight, we’re talking about values. Why don’t you lead us into this discussion, Ben? I liked the ritual you shared with me.

Dr. Ben Boudreau:

As children our parents and teachers they passed their values on to us and we lived our lives based on the lessons that they showed us were important. Be it kindness, friendship, listening, treat those the way you want to be treated, always be nice to your neighbor. These are values that don’t change, however during life, in this ever-changing world we may need to make our own sort of values. It may shift with what’s happening in our lives and the people we are surrounded with and those that we love. What does this mean for us? What does the future hold, how can I persevere? Let’s introduce the importance of finding your values and what that means for you and how it can guide you to reaching your goals and doing the proper actions to get there.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

I agree the importance of values is they become the barometer, or they become your north star in terms of the decisions you make every day. A great mentor of mine said never choose the opportunity to overvalue. In other words, opportunities are given to us all the time. A friend comes to your house and they say, hey you want to go out tonight or hey do you want to do this. Usually, if you say yes right away it’s an opportunity decision versus a value decision. Really think about what your values are and let your values be the doorman.

What I mean by that is, if you’re at a bar and there’s a doorman he decides who comes in and who comes out. I’m going to tell you it’s far easier to not let somebody in based on your values and not opportunity. Say to yourself right now, this is not based on my values. I’m not going to let you in. You might not want to say it that way instead you let them in and at one point you’re thinking why did I let this person in. I’m going to challenge you when you think back on the events that didn’t go right in your life.

Is it because you let somebody into your life that you shouldn’t have let in and the reason you let them in is that there was an opportunity, and you chose that opportunity over your values? Why aren’t values important. Let’s go over that discussion, Ben because I know you’ve got a good list there and I can chime in.

Dr. Ben Boudreau:

The first point of the list values helps you find your purpose. Values help us align our lives with what’s most important to us at that time. When you have a purpose and you know the things you need to do to get there, your values are a vehicle. They help you drive towards the things that you want and towards your purpose.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

It’s like a gas.

Dr. Ben Boudreau:

Exactly, it brings you towards more of the things that give you more satisfaction in your life. The second point, values help you react in difficult situations. If you know what your values are you can more easily navigate problems, such as valuing the traffic rules when entering a busy intersection.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

Value over opportunity, you can be a lot quicker at decision making if it’s based on your values.

Dr. Ben Boudreau:  

A value that is the same for a lot of people is family and money. If you value your family over money, you’re going to pick family first because money is not as important as your family. It makes things easier when you set that value. Number three, values help you make decisions. This is like number two; it helps make decisions quick and easy. If you’re trying to lead a healthier lifestyle and your top value is health, then you’ll probably be more inclined to go to the grocery store and pick up healthy food items than you are to go through a fast-food restaurant.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

Or deny an opportunity of eating chicken wings with your friend over the value of maintaining the momentum that you’ve been on for a month of eating healthy.

Dr. Ben Boudreau:

Absolutely, number four values help you clear clutter. If we have this giant bag and you’re just sifting through it all the time and you don’t know what your direction is, your mind will always be filled with a bunch of fog. Values help clear the fog and they give you a direction to go in.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

Beautiful, Ben. I like that.

Dr. Ben Boudreau:

Number five and this is very subjective. It’s values that help you choose the right career. Dr. Roach and I likely have similar values in our life, we have the exact same career, and we have very similar paths. If you have a family as number one, it doesn’t necessarily drive career but a reflection of how you act at work and the way that you behave, and the way you carry yourself. It doesn’t matter who you are or what career it is, your values will determine how strong you are in that position.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

Many times, I have parents come in and they’re a little frustrated that their grade 12 child has not determined what profession they want to be in for the rest of their lives. That’s a challenging decision and sometimes their child takes a break, and they go off to Europe and travel. It’s not that the child is lazy but at that point in their life, they value exploration and learning more than committing to a career for the rest of their life. I know it’s tough and I have kids growing up and I’d be in the same situation if they wanted to take a year off. We know what lies ahead as a parent but at that moment in time, their values may be different than what we have in mind for them.

Dr. Ben Boudreau: 

Another point, the values sort of determining whether you know if you can take a promotion in your job. You may value looking towards that promotion but if your values are family and if that promotion means taking time away from your kids or not getting out to the campground, you may not want to take that promotion even if it means that you’ll get further in your career. It all depends on what matters to you. Values help you develop a sense of self again. They tell you more about who you are, and this is a deeper sense is about understanding who I am as an individual, what are the things in my life that don’t fit the real me.

Once you know your values it helps you increase your confidence so you can steer in whatever direction you want, and nothing can take you away from what it is that matters to you in life. You know that these are the things that you value, and you can fish out right away if you’re meeting somebody in your life that doesn’t have a similar value. You can realize in a very quick amount of time if that person is going to be somebody worth connecting with or help you get to that next level and help you succeed.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

That is why values are important. I can tell you with growing kids, kids get a lot of opportunities. I think one of the reasons kids get lost is that they don’t fully understand values and they get lost in the opportunities. They make bad decisions when they don’t firmly know what their values are. If they did, they could make decisions based on their values versus the opportunities that are presented.

One of the things that we want to talk about is what’s the application. Values are good, we know what values are, so what’s the application of this in your life. One part of the application is identifying what your values are. I mentor chiropractors and some of them are lost in terms of who they are individually, and their practice suffers, and their family life suffers. I want you to take a second right now and think about the people you hang around with, the people you like to mingle with, and you really connect with. What are their values, what do they like to do?

Dr. Roach Continued:

Do they like to travel? What do you like about those people, the mentors you have, what do you like about them? The books you read, the things you buy when you go shopping, those are all clues as to what your true values are. If your goal is to have a chicken farm in the back of your house and you’re reading books on how to create a hen house, your value might be nature. Your value might be eating from nature and not eating pesticides. If you’re always thinking about your dominating value, are you constantly thinking about ways to make money, are you thinking about your next trip and what you’re going to see, and what you want to explore.

Those are all clues as to what drives you every single day. You will build an amazing life when you spend a lot of your time in your highest value and if you can delegate the stuff that you don’t value then you will create more time to live in your highest value. How do you create that ranking? You want to go through that, Ben? This is a breakthrough, this is what you need to do this week.

Dr. Ben Boudreau: 

Get your pen and paper out or have your notes open on your phone. Discuss what you feel you stand for that’s number one. Think about the top individuals in your life. Like Dr. Roach was saying, your mentors, your heroes, what do you think they value? What do they stand for? Rank your top ten values. You can create a list one through ten and you’re going to do a round-robin, so you ask yourself is one more important than two,?

If one is more important than two, is one more important than three? You go down the list, is two more important than three, and so on. What you end up with is a round-robin collection of your top 10 values and you can cut that list in half to your top five values. You can focus on them a little bit more because it’s tough to keep track of your top ten, it’s easier to keep track of your top five.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

I was just going to mention that Ben. I think I would start with five. The mind will keep in five things. Do the exercise, look at your house, look at your books, the mentors, the people you hang around with, and come up with five. Rank them like a hockey tournament, where everybody plays everybody. One against two, two against three. What’s more important? Start aligning your life based on those values, start making decisions based on those values, eliminate opportunities right away if they do not align with your values. The more you do that the more you will create fulfillment, which to me is the biggest thing. That’s what defines success if you’re fulfilled in your life. There’s nothing worse than having success and not feeling fulfilled because you never did anything you really loved to do.

Dr. Ben Boudreau: 

Success in a dumpster fire, that’s why you get the clutter out of your life. It eliminates the confusion, and you can see more clearly the things that are important. When you really value something, even a small little thing, it will trump all the other dumpster fire stuff, the disorganization that’s going on in your life.  I’m going to talk about my five values, and I did use a website www.personalvalu.es. It’s a value-based questionnaire and it asks you is more important than this and then at the end, it gives you your top five values. I think values are a great way to connect with everybody, as well when you share your values with others it makes you closer to people.

My fifth most important value is ethics. I am a Doctor of Chiropractic and ethical practices are one of the most important pieces in my career and to look at someone and tell them this is what you must do, or this is what’s necessary, is a huge piece of what we do as chiropractors. Being able to point people in the right direction. The fourth most important value is authenticity; in myself and authenticity in others. When I seek out other people or people that I want to have close to me I want to know that my relationships are authentic and that what they’re doing to help me or what they expect from me is true with their values. My third is discipline and Dr. Roach knows I try.

Dr. Boudreau Continued:

I show up to work each day and I come on time and I love coming to work and I’m disciplined in my actions, I’m disciplined in my routines. I wake up at the same time every day and I do the same thing every morning and I come to work, and I love it and discipline is a huge part of my life. One of my biggest mentors in sports as a kid is Steve Nash. I think he’s probably one of the top disciplined basketball players to ever play in the NBA. 6-1 guard, two-time NBA MVP and it takes something to get there. I look up to people like that and the same thing with Dr. Roach. I look up to him too because I know he’s disciplined.

Dr. Boudreau Continued:

My number two is respect, respect for myself, respect from others I’ve grown up with, the value of treating people the way that you want to be treated. I really think that a true thing and especially when we go to Roach Chiropractic, we’ve created a community that’s based on treating people the way that they want to be treated. You can tell everyone comes in and we all treat each other with the respect that we deserve. The number one value for me is my health. I want people who are around me to be as healthy as possible. I want people to succeed and I treat myself just as well as I want to treat you.

The advice that I give in practice is exactly how I would give it to my family members and my close friends. That’s why I believe that we truly have a family because we take our health as our number one priority. It was a pleasure to share my values with you all and I really hope that it was something that can resonate with you.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

Thank you for being vulnerable, Ben. I’ll share my number one value. I think it might give the listeners another example of different values. For me, number one is a connection, both connection to myself and connection to others. If I have a relationship, I really want to feel that connection because I think everything is through connection, especially right now, we’re so disconnected, which is why we did this in the first place with Hump Day Conversation, to connect with people. Hopefully, you all appreciate that because I feel connected to you.

I look forward to Wednesdays, I feel connected every time I’m in practice, connected with family. To me, a connection is a big deal and the relationships that I have not maintained are the ones that I did not feel a connection with. Make week impactful, make this week value-centered. This is a freeing experiment because it allows you to be closer to your true self and living your life according to your values not what other people want you to do, which is a nightmare.

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Dr. Ben Boudreau: 

We can preface what’s happening next week, we’re switching gears. We’re going away from personal development and moving towards a body part.

Dr. Clayton Roach:

We’re going to talk about a condition and we’re not going to reveal it yet but stay tuned! Thank you so much, we really appreciate your attention, we appreciate your trust and confidence. We will continue to do this every Wednesday night at nine o’clock. Today was episode seven! Everyone is rocking this week! We love you and appreciate you.